


Adamancy in Terms of Popcorn

by detectivelion



Category: Homestuck
Genre: For the Anon who suggested Johnkat with popcorn, Literally just Karkat making popcorn for the first time, M/M, stupid stupid dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-10 23:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/detectivelion/pseuds/detectivelion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or in which Karkat discovers one of the stupidest human inventions yet isn't quite as idiotic as he'd assumed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adamancy in Terms of Popcorn

Popcorn was by far the most _idiotic_ idea humans had ever had. Literally _the_ worst in a few-thousand _(sweep)_ year history of a race with the average IQ of a nut creature's. Who, after all, would even imagine that packaging a few hundred seeds and selling them for nutrition was a good idea? Perhaps the creator was smart. They at least understood the stupidity of their own species. It was the knowledge that humans actually fell for the plot and even choked down the godforsaken kernels that drove you up the wall. Oh, John thought it was hilarious when you told him. He laughed his ass right off for a good five minutes until he couldn't breathe. Luckily for him, too, because you were a second away from strangling him yourself. It was absolutely humiliating to know that your matesprit, the one you owed you life to and had even grown to respect, actually enjoyed swallowing handfuls of flavorless seeds.

Well, as it turned out that wasn't all there was to popcorn. You were supposed to radiate it first. 

_Microwave, John had insisted. You scoffed. That was radiation, a fast and lazy way for primitive beings to prepare food. They didn't even have psiionics. Blunt teeth, no horns, no claws. Wrigglers were better equipped than them. How had they ever survived? John's skin was so soft and delicate; he had flinched when you accidentally scraped a nail over his arm and it drew blood. Sometimes you looked at him and felt fear crawl up your throat until you were choking on it because immortal god or not he was so fragile and you lived in the terror that one day that would be the death of him._

Unfortunately for you, you'd thrown out every bag of popcorn since your first experience with it. Pride kept you from even tasting it. John would never let you live it down if you ended up liking it. Unfortunately for you, your curiosity was just as powerful as your _(stubbornness)_ adamancy. And so it was that you cleverly waited for a day when John took a day out of the little apartment to visit his mom/daughter to slip out of the apartment and into the grocery store a few blocks away. The clerk gave you a look when you dumped no less than five boxes of popcorn onto the conveyer belt and forked over a handful of green bills John had given you in case of emergency. 

The sky was glowing orange and red as you tore one box open and dropped a bag of popcorn into the microwave. The machine lit up. 

**_Pop._ **

You froze. 

**_Pop-pop._ **

Your sickle dropped into your shaking hand as you spun to face the machine. It hummed innocently, turning its contents around in idle circles. 

**_POPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOP_ **

You scream, throwing your weapon at it and turning-tail and fleeing. The bag had bounced around violently as though something inside it had been trying to burst free. You fucked up, you fucked up big time and your heart was pounding in your chest, pupils blown wide with terror as you huddled behind the couch. There was a shrill noise in your ears and it make you shake your head about until you curled into a ball on the living room floor.

When hands touched your shoulders, you sprang blindly at your attacked. They shouted, fell back, and the two of you landed on the ground with the threat pinned beneath you. 

They reached up and poked you between the eyes and you realized it was John.

Your face burned. He gently pushed you away and stood, offering a hand to your aid. You ignored it. The ear-piercing noise had ceased. A charred small wafted though the air. You clambered to your feet, ignoring John's eyes, and retreated to your room. Or tried to, as John called to you and you stopped in your tracks. He was grinning as he pulled you back into the kitchen, where the microwave now sat dark and quiet as though a beast hadn't awakened in its belly. The door sprang open for John to retrieved the inflated bag.

The kernels had mutated. You stared in horror as he held up a piece of yellowish-white fluff and popped it into his mouth. When he offered some to you, you backed away.

"It's not gonna hurt you!" He laughed, his fingers growing slick and greasy from the snack. Without warning, he flicked a piece at you. Your yelp was the perfect opportunity for a breeze to pluck the piece from the air and carry it into your mouth. As it turned out, popcorn wasn't fluff. You didn't know what it was. Warm and tasting strongly of salt and butter and somewhat scorched but overall not too bad. You didn't tell John this, of course, preferring instead to flip him the bird as you crunched down angrily. It left an odd feeling on your tongue.

"Not bad, is it?" He asked. His voice was smug beyond belief. 

"It's just as revolting as every other bit of junk you've forced down my protein chute."

"So you like it."

"Fuck off. "

As it turned out, popcorn was a human tradition when watching movies of any kind. So the next time you curled up with John on the couch, it was with a freshly made bowl of popcorn. 

You refused to eat even a single bite.

( _You know that John caught you sneaking a few. He grinned, but didn't say a word.)_


End file.
